“Peter says you’re the man to talk to about Viagra”.
That’s a conversation stopper, and sure enough, several ears perked up at the mention of the V word. It was the final evening of a three-day training course relating to revised legislation on pension and investment sales. It was aimed at senior management so we were a mature crowd, some of those gathered in the room had been in the trade for over thirty years.
Jane and Kelly, two good female colleagues of mine, had pushed their way in to the group I was chatting with and mischievously announced to all and sundry that I was the man.
It was after 10pm and the drinks had been flowing all evening. Fifteen or sixteen people remained in the public bar of a Kent country hotel, most of them were known to me and a half dozen of them were close friends. Several lightweights had already retired to bed to be fresh for tomorrow morning’s closing session, but the usual suspects remained.
I could see Peter (who is usually one of my very good friends) smirking at me from another cluster gathered nearer to the bar. “What a bastard! he’s supposed to be my mate, I’ll bet he didn’t tell you the full story. Do I look like a V….. customer? I’m a lusty, testosterone-fuelled, stag of a man.”
“He reckons you’re an addict” said Jane, “can’t perform without them”. At which point Peter intervened to say that Jane was embellishing and that he had merely mentioned that I had some knowledge of the subject.
By now a crowd had closed in, eager to learn more. “Do tell” said another woman called Sue who managed the floor above me, “I’m intrigued”.
“Come on, don’t be shy” said another manager as the pack drew closer.
“Ok” said I, “But only because I need to stop this load of bollocks spreading round the country. The true version, the boring version, is that Kate’s father had prostate cancer about twelve years ago and they successfully operated on him and fortunately he’s still alive and kicking today. But that’s an operation that can play havoc with you. There’s a lot of clockwork to fuck up down there and if they nick something you can end up dribbling in your pants or with a permanently limp noodle. Unfortunately for him, he got both”.
“The upshot of all of that was that the surgeon recommended V….. and now he has a permanent prescription for the generic equivalent. The NHS won’t pay V….. prices. He’s 75 now and they give him more than he needs. So about two years ago he offered me some, and naturally I turned him down, said I didn’t need them, but later that evening he slipped me two and winked and said I should give them a try. So I did.”
“Could you tell the difference?” said another woman called Helen. She was another good friend, in fact she was an inner circle friend who I’d known for years. We’d shared an office for six years and I’d worked on many cases with her and even met her husband. We knew things about each other that our respective partners didn’t know and I had sought her advice on numerous personal issues.
We also had a deeper, more unfortunate history in that I’d had sex with her at a similar training course in London two years ago. Naturally we skated around any awkward discussion of that episode since then but it had been a memorable occasion.
Yeah, I could” I replied,” they gave me a pumping headache and turned my face bright red. I didn’t tell Kate and she never commented afterwards so they couldn’t have been all that special.”
“Come on” said Ryan Connolly, “they must have done something, people pay a fortune for them.”
“Well yeah, I’m sure they do what it says on the tin, but If you haven’t got a problem down there then what can they really do? They don’t make your old man any bigger, they don’t keep you going all night, they’re just for problem cases and I’m not there yet, I’m only 47. You wouldn’t take an aspirin if you didn’t have a headache would you?”
Another guy intervened to say that he couldn’t imagine his father-in law being so liberal but I said that’s how Kate’s parents were. By way of contrast, my own parents had regarded sex as a subject never to be raised in front of the children.
I managed to field a few more intimate questions and wicked comments without revealing too much and then ducked over to the bar to buy a round of drinks even though it wasn’t my turn yet. “Bastard” I repeated to Peter who protested his innocence.
“A few of those ladies had a gleam in their eye” he commented, “there’s nothing like sex talk to get them fired up, they won’t sleep easy tonight.”
Over the next hour or so the crowd thinned out until there were only six of us, then only four or us. At 1.15 Peter announced that he’d had enough and we simultaneously agreed to retire for the evening. I was on my feet heading for the lift when I felt a slight pull on my shirt and looked back to see Helen making a variety of clumsy gestures meaning that I should hang back.
“I need to speak to you, go to the gents in reception then come back here”. The words came out in a rush and I stared at her for a few seconds but she looked almanbahis yeni giriş so anxious that I just agreed “Ok” and did as she asked.
She was waiting for me when I exited the gents. “I want to speak to you about what you were talking about earlier, were you being straight about it?”
“You mean the V…..? What do you want to know?”
“You were very dismissive, did they really not do anything for you?”
“Forget all that, they’re a game-changer. I’m a frigging convert, what do you want to know?”
“I knew it” she said “I’ve known you long enough to know when you’re only telling half the story. I need some advice…. It’s about Andy. That’s all, I promise.”
The door to the public bar was already closed and a grateful barman was clearing up within. There were only two small tables in the reception area, a couple were attempting a jigsaw at one table and a teenage girl was texting rapidly at the other.
“Come on, there must be resident’s lounge around here, or can we….should we go upstairs? Don’t misunderstand me, this is important. I have to know”
“My room or yours?” I realised that I was more than prepared to take advantage of a vulnerable woman.
“Yours” she said” I’ve got Hilary on one side of me and James Gradwell on the other side”.
“I don’t know who I’ve got, I’m in 306, let me go there first, you come up in two or three minutes, I won’t close the door properly. Make sure no one sees you.”
As soon as I reached my room I leapt into the bathroom. Was there a chance that I might be fucking Helen again? I wasn’t sure but I quickly washed my cock, squirted deodorant under my arms and put a tiny amount of after-shave on. Nothing too obvious, then I waited.
The door opened only as much as was necessary and Helen slid in. “Please don’t get any ideas, I just want you to explain a few things. I need to ask you a few questions? I’m so confused and feeling so down at the moment I need to know if there’s anything I can do.”
“You’re not getting enough?” I smiled as I said it.
“Don’t joke, I’m not getting any. I want you to tell me about V….., I need to know if it’ll help Andy”
She told me her tale, more awkwardly than I retell it here, but the quick version is that her husband Andy was 57, seven years older than her. His erections had been slowly failing for years but he wouldn’t discuss it. It had started a few years ago when his penis would wither inside her and he’d lie on his back and somehow make her feel that she was to blame. She could go down on him for ten minutes or more but he couldn’t stay hard.
Now he was staying up late at night making excuses about wanting to watch a late film. If she reached across to him during the night to fondle his balls he would turn his back on her and say he was tired. She would reach for him in the early morning, he still had firm erections even in his sleep, but within minutes there was nothing there and he would quickly get out of bed to shower.
She’d tried walking around in the underwear he used to like, tried to get in the shower with him and she’d done other stuff that she didn’t want to talk about, but he wouldn’t co-operate with anything and now she felt that they were drifting apart. She loved him but she couldn’t go on like this.
I recalled our one night together, she had been surprisingly active and very vocal. We were drunk but she was the one who had initiated it. I remembered how physical she had been when she was on top of me, thrusting hard and squeezing her tits and playing with her clit. Maybe the fact that she wasn’t being properly fucked way back then accounted for her behaviour that night
She had orgasmed in my face and had almost pulled my hair out by the roots. Her language and her squeals had surprised me, I’d had noisy partners before but I suspect that they were mainly faking it, I was convinced that Helen’s reactions had been genuine as she rolled around the bed mauling herself.
She asked if I’d ever had any similar problems. My first inclination was to say not but then I admitted to having a few failures of my own. Kate & I had had a great sex life for over twenty years, we still did, but in recent years it wasn’t a 100% success all the time. Nowhere near as bad as Andy but I could sometimes feel my erection fading so I would thrust like crazy and shoot my load within the first few minutes. I could also kick-start it again by rolling out of the saddle, lying back for a few minutes and thinking about something else/anything else and that usually helped me start again.
Fortunately Kate was very understanding, she worked for the NHS in a non-clinical role, but her job exposed her to lots of experts and lots of knowledgeable discussions. She would feel my dick deflate inside her but she didn’t make a fuss about it. She’d say “were you thinking of something else then?” or she’d just lie still on top of me and kiss me until I went stiff again.
“You do know that a lot of it is in the mind?” Helen nodded, she’d read up on the subject.
“The almanbahis giriş first thing a doctor will ask him is whether he gets erections when he’s asleep, if he does then the machinery is ok, it’s just a confidence thing, mind over matter. It’s a bit like a self-fulfilling prophecy, the second I start thinking about whether I’m going to cum is the second that I start to lose it. What about when he’s drunk? It’s much easier to relax then and not think about it.”
“I know all that” she said petulantly “nothing is working, I just need to know if V….. will help him and where you get it from and what you do with it.” I can’t stand this much longer, it’s killing both of us.”
“What about work, is he stressed out?” I knew he was a TV aerial erector working for himself, so I didn’t think that was likely.
“No, it’s a good business, he earns as much as me”
“I think you need to get him to talk about it, get him to accept there’s a problem but tell him it’s no big deal. He can’t have missed the erectile dysfunction adverts on TV, every single man will go through this at some stage, it’s just that we blokes don’t like to admit it.” Then the two of you will have to agree the solution. Let me tell you, he only needs to take one of those little babies and he’ll feel like a teenager again.
“So what should I do, buy a bottle of them and leave them on his bedside table or should I just drop one in his cocoa before he goes to bed, how do I get the ball rolling?
“I can’t answer that because I don’t know him like you do. Why don’t you tell him that your best friend at work is going through the same problems but they’ve done something about it. Tell him she’s given you one tablet to see if it works. Tell him that half the women in your office have husbands who use them. Persuade him to take it then maybe you could watch Forty Shades of Grey together or try on a few new bikinis, saunter round the bedroom in them and ask him which one he likes best.”
“He’d probably run a mile if I did that….and it’s fifty shades not forty, you’re thinking of Forty Shades of Green”
“He won’t be able to run, he’ll have a massive stonker hiding in his trousers”
“Surely it’ll just make him feel worse, it’s like accusing him of not being man enough”
“Rubbish, do you feel inferior when you put your contact lenses in? Does a woman with silicone breasts feel better or worse than she did before. What about dental implants, face lifts and the rest, you’re just improving on what nature first gave you. Let me tell you this, when Andy’s dick is bright purple and he’s been on top of you for twenty minutes the last thing he’ll be feeling is unmanly”
“What did you do? Did you tell Kate before you took that first one?”
“No, I didn’t tell Kate because I didn’t expect it to work as well as it did. I wasn’t having any real problem so I was just curious and it was a freebie.”
“And then what?”
Right, I’ll tell you but it’s going to be a bit graphic so don’t be offended. I won’t be using the official terminology here, you won’t be getting a science lecture. More like a dirty phone call”
“Number one, it worked like you won’t believe. It was like turning the clock back twenty five years when you could stay hard for ages, shoot your load and be hard again an hour later. The first tablet that I got from Kate’s dad I used when we went to Ireland for my cousin’s wedding. The hotel gave us the room as soon as we checked in and we went to bed so that we’d be bright & breezy when we met the crowd later that day.”
“We didn’t go to sleep straight away, When Kate came out of the bathroom wearing a flimsy black satin getup and stockings I realised that we were going to have an early session so I dug one of the tablets out of my shaving bag and put it under the pillow.”
“You’re supposed to take these tablets up to an hour before but, like I said, I didn’t always have a problem so I took it just as Kate went down on me. It was a hundred milligram tablet which was far too much.”
“So what do you mean — far too much”
“I wasn’t kidding about the headache and the bright red face and the heart racing, I should have only taken half a tablet. I’ll tell you something else, I was lying about it not making your dick bigger. It might not make it longer…. but girthwise, it felt like it was trying to burst out of its skin, it was almost painful. It was so rigid you wouldn’t believe it, just like wood, that’s what they say in the porno’s isn’t it? I’ve got wood”.
“I think you’ve got wood now” said Helen and it was true, all this sex talk had woken up my cock and it was trapped in the leg of my jeans trying to unravel itself.
I squirmed around and made myself more comfortable and Helen laughed and said not to hide it, “don’t forget I’ve seen it before….I’ve felt it before, you can take those jeans off if you want and remind me what one looks like”.
I didn’t respond but she leaned towards me and ran her fingers up the zip of my trousers and felt the hardness beneath the fabric. I tried to laugh almanbahis güvenilirmi it off and said that I was here in a clinical role and that I shouldn’t get involved with my patient. But I knew without any doubt that I was going to fuck Helen tonight and I relished that thought.
“I love it when you talk dirty Dr Bailey, tell me about the hotel then, tell me what difference it made when you and Kate had sex using that tablet.”
“Do you want to hear the full gory detail? In very basic terms”
“I want to hear about every move, every orgasm, every scream.” She took my hand and laid it on her groin, she was wearing khaki jeans and I dragged one finger along the seam that overlaid her slit.
“I think that you might have to sort me out tonight”, She stroked my cock with the flat of her palm and said “you’ll never get to sleep with this”.
I placed my hand on top of hers, it took a mighty effort on my part not to reach out and climb on top of her. “Here goes then, you asked for it. We’re always trying to vary things but there’s always been a basic blueprint. That’s if you forget about the occasions when we’re just having a quickie, you know, when the whole job is finished in five minutes.”
“First of all, it was a warm day, we’re on top of the sheets, both undressed apart from the fact that Kate is only wearing stay up stockings. She goes down on me, sucking and pulling on me until I’m almost about to shoot my load, I stop her for a few minutes and then she goes down on me again for a few more minutes until I stop her again. We mess around for another few minutes and then she goes down on me again. When I couldn’t take anymore I went down on her, tongue, fingers, whatever, until she came. She’s got her hands around the back of my head so I can hardly draw breath and she’s bucking like a wild thing.”
“All of a sudden I can feel this pill kicking in. My cock felt so bloated that it didn’t even feel like it was mine and that’s at the very moment that Kate wants me to fuck her quite hard and fast before her orgasm disappears. She’s on her knees holding on to the headboard, I’m behind her and all I can hear is slap, slap, slap, slap as I’m ploughing into her, and it’s the best feeling I’ve had in years. It felt like I was so far inside her that I was going to come out the other side. She’s talking filthy, I’m pulling her head back by her hair and the bed is screeching like crazy. Then after a few mad minutes, long after her orgasm has faded, she calms down, and then we slowed things down, changed positions, you know.”
“Oh my god” Helen was squirming on the bed. “This is reminding me of Richmond, that was so wild”
I pretended that it was a distant drunken memory. “Was that how it was in Richmond? We were quite drunk, I remember that you seemed to be in charge that night and you made a lot of noise. I bet the folks next door thought you were being murdered”
“Oh god, what a night, you still owe me for a new pair of knickers, can you remember ripping my posh ones to shreds? I came twice, so did you. I probably haven’t come since… if you don’t count the DIY ones”
“What a waste” I said. You should have rung me, I can do house visits”.
“I might do if these pills don’t work.”
“Look, you’ve sidetracked me now, where was I? Anyway, after she’s cum we usually try to mix things up a bit, Kate goes on top or on her tummy or on her side. We stop and start, talk, laugh, watch porn, change positions, anything really.
“So that’s exactly what we did in Wicklow, I kept stopping and starting and turning her over because I was trying to show her that I could last for ever. Eventually she’d had enough – there’s a limit isn’t there? so she grabbed my arse with both hands and pulled me right into her and I busted into her until I came”
“That’s how it’s been for a while now. I used to take them just to enhance things but the problem with that is that they can be quite addictive. I don’t want quickies any more. We’re like teenagers again. A few months ago we did just about everything possible and then we stopped for a while and I decided to shave Kate’s fanny using lube and my razor – that was because we were going to Spain for ten days. After she’d washed it all clean she sat on the edge of the bed and leaned back and put her legs up in the air while I stood up and drilled her and then I came on her belly which I never ever do. Those pills make me feel as if I can do anything. Yesterday we finished a session by going into the bathroom, she held on to the sink and watched me in the mirror whilst I did her from behind.”
“I know that it probably sounds like we have some kind of porn mag life but we really don’t and things don’t always go to plan. Before I started using these man pills if I felt that my dick was going soft I would speed up and get it done before it went fully slack. That meant we were finished in just a few minutes which is pretty crap for both of us and so that’s where the little pills have started to become very handy. But there are still occasions when we just spoon together, or sometimes Kate doesn’t want sex so she’ll tug me off until I shoot my load and then we fall asleep. Another one of her bad habits is that she gets carried away when she’s on top and she makes me cum too early. It’s not as important now though, I just wait a while and do her all over again.